Very Rational Entity Weblog

I was planning to buy this cute silk kimono inspired blouse I saw @ Debenhams last Sunday but I had second thoughs since it was quite costly and of course the thing was im kinda doubtful if it will fit just right. I gained a lot these past few months from the original weight I had last January. Honestly it was quite deppressing since I was planning to lose some weight but instead a gained more. The worst part is I cant help but feel so uncomfortable everytime I look at myself in the mirror, as if Im staring at this ugly big fat unhappy lady.(sigh)

I did try to lose weight like a week or so of no rice at all only light snacks. And I did lose like 2kg the most, then comes the part that I reward myself. You see I follow the REWARD SYSTEM like for any goal I achieve I have to reward myself, its like a pat on the back for a job well done hehehe.. In my dieting course its for the KILOS I lose.. The reward means a sumptious dinner or snack only that the dinner or snack does not mean one time of course it has a repeat . And all the weight I lose comes back once more, only that sometimes it doubles the original weight I actually lose.

Also in between I find it hard to avoid good food.And my definition of good food is quite a list, its actually compose of foods that most  diet Guru’s would advice anyone  dieting to stay away from. But hey im just being realistic I love good food be it healthy or not.

One friend of mine adviced me that a succesful diet must have a set goal and time plan, like one should have a target weight to achieve and a time frame for it. I guess its was what I lack im my previous attempts. I lose weight without direction and time frame.Also that it should have the right motivation. Yeah I think I don’t have the right motivation for it. And also it must be in BLACK & WHITE – it should be put to writing.

So here it goes ….

MOTIVATION: to fit in a size 10 dress, to look good for myself and my other half. 

GOAL           : To lose 5kg

TIMEFRAME  : 5 months

And so once again I’m back on track only that this time I hope to achieve my target weight. Im quite confident that ill do so that is if I don’t get pregnant in the process.

The other day I wanted to go out since it was the only time I was free to do some grocery. I then asked arvin if I could go out shopping he then agreed only that he said he cannot bring me to the hospital he wants to sleep since he is still going for night duty. So i then called kuya noel to drive me off to the hospital so I could join the shopping bus, but his phone was out of reach… Option no#1, i was thinking of going alone to the hospital since its just three blocks away from our house, but its almost 7pm and its quiet dark outside. And if my husband finds out I went out alone he’ll surely get mad and a lot of blah blah will follow hahaha.. If this is not saudi arabia no problem I could go out alone whenever I feel like even if it means travelling alone but here we could never take chances. So my second option was to wake him up and ask him to bring me to the hospital.. I was just about to do that but looking at him sleeping I could not afford to just wake him up so I just confined myself in front of the computer browsing through the net.

8:15pm arvin woke up he then ask me why am I still at home I then told him the reason, so he got up and told me to dress up he said he’ll bring me to the hospital, I then told him not to anyway I said it will be difficult for him to sleep again . But he insisted , he then told me he wants me to go out. I know it will be difficult for him to sleep again , I felt so bad knowing that he would lack sleep and he will still go for night duty..

So upon reaching the hospital I called him I said thank you and sorry if I disturbed his sleep, but as always my husband just replied its nothing as long as its makes me happy.. With those words I really felt so guilty and at the same time felt so fortunate.You see my husband is so like that he goes out of his way even if it means he will be sacrificing things for me. And I just feel so blessed having someone to care for my needs in such ways. Though some of you might think hey whats the big deal with it .. For me little things does matter, in my husbands case he values his sleep so much, meaning if he is deprived of it he finds it difficult to function well specially he will still go for night duty alone . ALONE meaning to say he will be the only Respiratory therapist  to attend to all ventilated patients in NICU,MICU,SICU,PICU as well as to attend CODES in the whole hospital if there will be any. You could just imagine how exhausted he will be after duty. So I really appreciate what he did for me that night.  

So before going home i though of buying him something to eat that night, i then pass by Hardees and bought his fave burger.. Of course he was so much happy with that burger, but i know it was not enough for what he had done for me..

Finally  after a week of non-stop evening duty its my off.. Its not that I don’t usually work seven days straight but this week was so tiring cause it’s the holy month and the busiest for the hospital.. with all the RTA’s left and right so non-stop admission. Just after one patient is extubated they are then immediately shifted to the wards and as expected one RTA  is already waiting to be admitted..And as if there is never ending supply of RTA patients, we get calls from ER placing their reservation for any vacant beds. And mind you they are all so young age ranges from 17-25. And they usually get admitted early am..  

And at their young ages their lives get wasted some are able to GRADUATE (as we address em’) from ICU but some are not as lucky. Relatives all lined up to comfort the parents, fathers try to hide their anguish, & the mothers weeping under that thick black veil covering their faces..So sad it seem but like a cycle my question is why it doesn’t stop?Are they not learning from one another and as if there is a pattern to it..

That’s life! As they say but if only they could learn from each others experiences then at least these cases census will be lessened. And only  if they value their life a bit more than they actually do. When these kids or shall i say young adults are on the road they’re driving like crazy, not minding if they hit something or they get hit. Sometimes seeing them on the road i cant help but think oopppsss be careful you might be another RTA census of kfhu!

They never really learn!